I just got beat up by three jersey chicks. Or hate crimes waiting to happeb

for mouthing off and being a fag. in my mind it was mostly fer being a fagin their minds it was probably for mouting off and then throwing puncrs after I got decked but wtf all I said was fuck you fuck off when they denied me a cig. Im trying to give the facts of the matter as straight as I possibly can. I talked some shit but every one talks shit, I tried to fight back after I got knocked down maybe I called them bitches but seriously my face is fucked and I feel like this is a little more then a normal altercation especially when after they drive away the rest of the people outside come up to me with a genuine concern for my well being.

being gay in the alb sucks and every one knows it. Ny only recourse is to make sure there are always cops on that corner and any of my friends stay away from bogies for the next month where crack hicause not only is uptown due for a raid but that plave is gonna be hit hard. fuck all them I wanna walk home without fear. fuck them all straight edge or not that place is a haven of homophobes and I have never felt safe going by there.

I feel safer in the fucking ghetto then I do in my own neighborhood... whatever this is one time where crack house laws are going to work in my favor

How one falls in love with a tape worm and how one gets a tape worm in the first place

me and my tape worm are very close, he's such a great listener, I don't care if my tapeworm eats all of my food, wont get a job and keeps fucking up my house, he's so damned cute and he keeps me skinny, I love the pale and hollow glow of anemia, my tapeworm is my provider.

In my long and wondrous journey to the utopian state of health this is the state of mind I find most repulsive, the most deluded. The self hatred that should come with having a parasite I can look past. I find this metaphor particularly disturbing because for a long time I was having dreams about worms and there's one I still feel vividly. I'm not going to give an entire description but it suffices to say that in the dream I gave birth through my thigh to the father of my sickness.

dionysus gives traumatic birth to the seed of his own destruction by nicking the artery running along his left wrist, wrapping the head of his father around a wooden match coiling him. his foul offspring, the result of an incautious fling with the river spirits in the nile.

God fuck the bastards who took the imagery, metaphor and theater out of mental health. They are puritanical misanthropes with their heads stuck up the ass of science, their humanity constantly shat upon by reason.

winged victory

ah the fallen in the heat of action, that ragtime verse how elegant and intelligent. a prayer for the dead or the best I can manage because it's five AM and I'm trying to remember you. but I can probably recall all of your faces, and of course I can but it's a shame to have to say that, it's a shame to have to think about it because of course I can because it's the curse of the wet brained to remember those faces. the hurt the fallen and the discarded and the ones who have to put up with the lushing and the puking and the ones who told you no or to say no.

all those infractions are horrific trespassers.

control you are my faithful lover

hey ass hole stop acting like a jerk when the cameras are off and you think no one can hear you! clap hands say yeah really kinda sucks and you only like those people because you like sketchy music and they don't! and let me please point out that you're not invited to that part, because aside from the fact that you don't want to go it costs too much, they really don't appreciate dudes who show up wasted. So just cut the shit stay home and do what you want, you know that's what you want to do any way,


btw this is why god invented cock

cock rocks

so I'm gonna hang out with the pheasentry and feel better about being a ground fowl

in case it wasn't clear show me yer underwear and I'll feel better

Coke is lame video is the new coke

totally video moment; an old black lady puting some unnameable substance in her nose followed by static and broken signal. I think this is the first time I've seen a vhs to digital transfer and I'm very impressed. the contrast is terrible, the color is all wrong and it's constantly cutting out. So yeah I like it.

In other news I got into a Power Wheels accident last night and I broke my ass.

I'm hungry and there's nothing for me to put mayo on in the house so it's pain killers and coffee.

"Yes the night IS good"

That power wheels accident might need some explanation. The O'Brien and I met up with an old friend of ours for drinks and the music really sucked at Suzie's, it was all irish punk nonsense. So we finished our drinks and head for another bar, a place with 2 dollar pabst that didn't burn down recently. any way, there was a powerwheels in the trash outside of a house so we get to the bar in style with our high powered barbie car. drink a little bit there and decide that really the best thing to do with the rest of the night was get a 40 and cruise around town. We picked up a hitchhiker on lark, but before she got in she made us promise that we wouldn't break her vagina cause her girlfriend would kill her. She got off at around jay street, adjusted her pants and hobbled away. More booze and then the capitol race course... which is where I broke my ass taking the car down a circular slide.

It rocked

Nobody gets MRSA

So I still haven't found any free cocaine and I'm realizing what started out as an act of self production has spiraled out of control into drug deprived crazy talk. This is me crying out to the world "MEDICATE ME." Maybe I should try a more effective venue, a bar maybe.

In a similar vein, I'm programing another synth, the vein is similar because after I have a lovely new soft synth with some sort of strange controller (right now I'm thinking of running the whole thing off of osscilators, rhythm, pitch, the works) I can scream "MEDICATE ME" in bars with my new noise band MRSA. This is my plot to make friends and get free coke. See? it all ties all of my most important objectives together. Art, deranged fantasy, free drugs, more friends, new life. Funny how it looks an awful lot like the old one.

fun fact, MRSA may kill more people a year then AIDS.
look it up, it's got a great wikipedia page and it's got a pretty sound to it, mersa

Free Coke

Really not into writing right now but I feel some how obligated. Trying to find a reason for that seems senseless. My publicist really doesn't take his job seriously and why should he? I don't pay him. None the less I feel an obligation to my ethereal readership, my dedicated ethereal readership that resides in the luminiferous aether.

big news of the last few weeks. I got really drunk once. I've managed not to take all the vicadin in the house. I spent two and a half hours yesterday talking shit about passers by with mike and this chick we met outside of the daily grind.

That last one was probably the best thing that's happened to me in a while. A very skilled critic of humanity finishing her BA in photo. She also had really nice hair. I think she also thought I was gay. So I'm kinda gay, what's wrong with that? Is that any reason not to sleep with me? And that's all that I have to say on the subject. Maybe, maybe not, she did agree to get together and have a rough night.

Speaking of rough nights my shoulder is FUCKED.
I need more sarcasm and bitterness in my life so I'm going to make another cup of coffee.
Does any one know where to get free coke?